Vignette
by homosexualsakura
Summary: When you don't even try, the bird will surely fly.


1.1

_Do it all by the book; follow every guideline, moral, and instruction, do what's right and what you can and what society dictates you to-_

_**and sometimes it'll still turn out wrong.**_

_**The boy will still be dead.**_

(You'd burn his body if you could.)

It's a matter of time, honestly, before the thoughts start to develop; the immature, inconsistent, unreasonable thoughts you haven't done a good enough job of burying.

_Maybe he needed a father._

Kunai may cut deeper than the thoughts, but they hurt much more once they're buried there, a place deeper than tissue and muscle and arteries pumping useless waste through your body.

It didn't rain that day.

Funny.

You recall something wet running down your face.

1.2

"Kakashi-sensei."

_Sasuke._

_Not him._

"Yes, Naruto?"

He seems to struggle for words; you make a mental note to forever mark this day as "Naruto's loss of speech"-

_just like you marked that day, marked it with black paint on your own mind, gave it a title to remember, Sasuke's departure-_

"Was there anything I could have done?"

Well. That was unexpected.

_Blink._

"Naruto. He would have left sooner or later. You did all you could, but he had made up his mind. Nothing you did would have stopped him."

_Lieslieslieslies._

"Kakashi-sensei?"

_Yes, you who chase dreams with no ends?_

"Could you have stopped him?"

_I didn't even try._

1.3

Maybe it's ironic, in a way, that it's on your own birthday that you decide you will apologize.

_Father, forgive me, for I have sinned, I let a boy go when I could have saved him, but was it already too late for him?_

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!"

He's better at faking smiles, nowadays.

But he's had years of practice.

You're not surprised.

"How does it feel to be old, huh? You've already got the hair down, ha- hah!"

_Smile._

"Naruto, thirty isn't old. It's...elegant."

"Whatever you say, oldie."

_I'm sorry_, you wish to blurt, but that would be sudden and you're good at holding back your tongue.

_Come to think of it, isn't that what you did that day?_

_Silence is not always golden._

0.1

"He blames you."

(He always did.)

"Jiraya, I don't think I follow-"

_Glare._

"You know damn well what I mean."

You take a second, close your eye, inhale the stale air of Konoha's outskirts, and turn to face him.

"I know. He has the right to."

Jiraya, with his weary face and serious eyes, Jiraya, with a hand clamping down on your shoulder, Jiraya, with the ability to make you feel like a little child again, he _hugs_ you.

"Jiraya?"

He exhales.

"You are such an idiot. Aren't you supposed to be a genius?"

_Blink._

"How long have you walked around, feeling guilty? As if you're the one to blame? How many days have you lived through, wanting to rewind time?"

_All the time. God, ever since he left. Since before that. I'm so sorry._

"How long since you were told it wasn't on you?"

_Never._

You start shuddering, an unusual reaction for you, and you're shaking in his arms before you know it, face pressed against his neck and the hair that falls down into it, and you feel like all the shame and hurt is slowly knotting up inside you.

"I was supposed to be his sensei-"

_choke_

"-and I couldn't even- couldn't stop him-"

Jiraya still hasn't let you go.

He's so _so_ silent while a prickling starts behind your eyes, and your mask is soaked with little patterns of tears that aren't fitting for a ninja, but he still hasn't called you weak, a failure, said it's your fault, and you feel a tightening in your chest and let your arms fall to your sides.

"Kakashi, Naruto blames you because he's blamed himself for so much else. He needs a scapegoat. But you didn't do anything wrong. Trust me on this. You didn't do anything wrong."

_And maybe that was my mistake._

He doesn't let you go, and suddenly you feel as if this makes it all okay, because no matter what you've said or what you do-

_he doesn't let you __**go**__._

**Fin.**

**Well, here's my attempt to show I'm alive.**

**No, nobody's ****actually ****dead. It's a figure of speech or a metaphor, whichever (dead on the inside, and so on).**

**Reviews are always much appreciated in order to be able to churn more half-bad fics out.**

**Edit: As a reviewer pointed out. The 1.1 part was more reminiscent of Obito, rather than Sasuke, so it's your own pick who you chose to think it's about, though my intention was Sasuke. Obito, Sasuke, both, I don't care, whatever floats your boat.**


End file.
